As someone who grew up in the deep woods of East Texas, deer hunting is a tradition for my family. When my husband and I first met, he was not familiar with it, but quickly became interested. When the deer hunting season came around, he was eager to get on a stand as often as he could.
One day, he came in and excitedly told my dad about a buck he had seen and tried to take as a trophy. Finally, my dad asked, “Well, where is he?” Mikey explained how he had strategically fired a shot and knew the deer would be lying right in the woods nearby. But, after hours of searching, there was no deer. He had obviously missed.
My dad told Mikey, “we’re gonna have to cut your shirttail.” In hunting, cutting a hunter's shirttail is a ritual for anyone who takes a shot at an animal and misses.
I had always heard the expression used, but wondered — aside from tradition, what’s the point?
Two kinds of tails
While the shirttail tradition seems silly to me, it reminds me of a similar, more relatable phrase to my own life — to ride one’s coattails.
As a minister’s wife I’m bombarded with the everyday routine of life. I’m up early in the morning and off to work. I pick up the kids at daycare, go to the store, come home and cook, go to baseball practice, wash the clothes, clean the messes created around the house, do homework, baths and bedtime.
Then, Sunday or Wednesday comes and we have our church activities. I serve on the Vacation Bible School committee, take a meal to a family who has had surgery, work in the nursery and plan the back-to-school youth rally.
Total exhaustion. When I am done, I just want to crash!
Each of these things are commendable. However, I often find myself caught up in the busy work of the ministry and neglect the intimate, quiet aspect of the relationship with the Father. Yes, I worship and hear from God among other believers during church services, yet when it comes to hearing from the Lord or spending time growing in the Word, I am riding along on my husband’s coattails.
Mikey usually has time to spend alone at the office with the Lord. He is able to discover fresh things in the scriptures and sit until he hears from the Holy Spirit. If I sit and listen very long at home, I usually hear “Mom! I need to go potty!” or “I just spilled my Kool-aid!”
These daily routines and events become weekly, then monthly. Eventually, so much time has gone by without me actually seeking the Lord until I am just a surface servant instead of faithful companion.
So, I often claim my husband’s relationship as my own. If he is growing in his walk, it feels like we are growing in our spiritual lives. I excuse myself from finding time because of other obligations and assume that Mikey’s walk will cover us both. After all, I can easily fool people into believing I am a mature Christian because I am the minister’s wife and so involved in the church — right?
In reality, we must have our own relationship with the Creator.
Giving God the firstfruits
This summer, I was blessed to be able to visit with a friend of mine who is a fellow pastor’s wife. She also expressed the struggles of being a wife, a mother and part of the ministry. It was admittedly refreshing to hear. Despite abundant involvement in the church, I discovered she, too, feels like she lets her husband carry her in her relationship with the Lord.
We began discussing ways to overcome the pitfall of substituting service for solitude. I was reminded of God’s desire for “firstfruits.”
Proverbs 3:9 says,
“Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops.”
In Deuteronomy 18:4, the people were instructed,
“Give them the firstfruits of your grain, new wine and oil, and the first wool from the shearing of your sheep.”
Romans 11:16 states,
“If the part of the dough offered as firstfruits is holy, the whole batch is holy.”
Christ is even referred to in 1 Corinthians as the firstfruits of the dead. As I studied, I was convicted. If God wanted the first of my money and possessions, why wouldn’t He want the firstfruits of my time?
From freeriding to finding time
In order to spend quality time with the Lord, I needed to start my day with Him. It may mean sacrificing a little sleep by waking up early, but not without reaping abundant blessings.
Mark 1:35 tells us even Jesus arose very early in the morning while it was still dark and withdrew to a solitary place to pray. I don’t claim that the Scripture commands us to engage in our quiet times in the morning, but for me, it was a personal conviction. Morning is a time I can always count on without children, chores or other distractions.
Another step to overcoming is requesting accountability. I had to ask my husband to hold me accountable. If it took him shoving me out of bed, so be it! Not really, but I asked him to help me wake up in the morning — no matter how bad I wanted to hit the snooze button.
Finally, consciously walking in obedience to the Holy Spirit on my own is a part of growing. I always hear my husband tell me about how the Lord put someone on his mind — like he felt he was supposed to call them. When he would, that person would start crying on the other end of the phone and begin to pour out their problems.
Huge obstacles to ministering on our own often involve overcoming self-centered concerns and fear. I have to get over dwelling in my own world of “to-do” lists and find out what is really important to the Lord. Just because the church implements a program doesn’t necessarily mean it’s what the Father wants accomplished. We have to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s leading.
Having the courage to do everything I am convicted about is still a struggle, but the Spirit is proving to me over and over again to listen. He will not guide me wrong. Definitely a step out of my comfort zone!
Walk beside, not behind
No matter when or how you choose to spend your time growing in your walk, don’t skip out on personal time with Him. Martin Luther once said, “I am way too busy not to spend at least two hours a day in prayer.” If we want to be the strongest partner in ministry our husbands can have, then we must not make him carry the entire load.
While physical help is superb, one who prays and spends time with the Lord is invaluable in Kingdom work. We need to cut our spiritual coattails and walk on our own. Then, we will be strong together.
Written by Angie Osborne.