“Are we really out of diapers? How could I have forgotten to put that on my shopping list?”
These were questions I asked my husband late one evening. We had no choice but to head to Walmart. What we didn’t know was that the Lord was directing our path so we would discover a secret meeting.
The drive there took us right past a deacon’s office building where we observed a gathering of a few members of our church. We wondered, what were these people doing so late at night in a public building that had been closed for over three hours?
We later discovered that they were discussing my husband. One of the vehicles belonged to a deacon whose family we had just taken a meal to the week before.
When ‘dragons’ appear unannounced
I once read a statement from a minister’s wife that said,
“I didn’t even know we had any dragons in our church, and then I returned home from a conference to find them camped on our doorstep.”
She was referring to a book, “Well-Intentioned Dragons: Ministering to Problem People in the Church,” written by Marshall Shelley.
Unfortunately, my husband and I have our share of scars from these “dragons.” Some have faded, but others still seem like an open wound at times. I can remember feeling a whirlwind of emotions from these occasions.
My initial reaction was often one of shock, as I did not even realize anything was going on. Sometimes, people have taken offense to things we have done or said. They became bitter about it, and the whole time we never knew there was even a problem. Other times, I can remember a feeling of pain and ultimate betrayal as we would discover some who we deemed our closest friends had become our biggest critics.
How dragons attack
One occasion stands out.
We had a friend who was starting a Saturday night worship service in a vacant building on the square for anyone in the community who wanted to get together with other believers and worship. It was going to be on Saturday nights so that it would not interfere with any Sunday services. It was supposed to be especially refreshing for any ministers who wanted to come because they are always the ones who have to do the preaching.
Our friend asked my husband to help with the music. In the early idea stages, a few deacons were informed of the potential service. However, because it was not going to be held at our church or under our church’s leadership, my husband was banned from attending by the pastor. I really had to battle this in my heart.
It turns out, one of the deacons who really pushed for my husband to be forbidden to attend was angry because he was not one of the first to know about the service idea. This was the same man whose family we had poured abundant time, financial support and prayer into the previous year because of hard, desperate times in their lives.
I slowly began to realize that the more work you begin to do for the Kingdom, the harder Satan attacks. They can come in any form, even from church members or staff. Out of bitterness and malice over something so small, he began to rally against Mikey and spread false statements about what he was teaching to other parents. Praise God some of these parents came to us so that we were aware of these attempts!
The hardest things I’ve ever had to go through have dealt with conflict regarding our ministry. Even though my husband more often has been the direct target because he was the one on staff, I think sometimes it is harder to stand by and see the pain that he is experiencing.
I believe that we are one in Christ, therefore, when Mikey hurts, I hurt. I saw the ministry as ours together — something we had poured our whole lives into. So if it was under scrutiny, I was affected as well.
Don’t get me wrong — there are occasions when my husband and I have erred in ministry. We are human. Sometimes the complaints have been justified. Other times, they’ve petty enough to make us laugh. In those cases, the best thing to do is take responsibility, apologize and ask for forgiveness in kindness. If they forgive you, then a relationship is restored. If they don’t, then pray diligently for them about the matter, but move on with the Lord’s work.
On another occasion, my husband recorded some conversations because he suspected trouble. Sure enough, someone later misconstrued what he said. I wanted him to play those tapes so bad. I convinced myself numerous times that we could take the situation in our own hands and even “win.”
Those feelings of hurt I harbored would later dissolve into anger and resentment. I wanted to do something to get justice or set someone straight. I am not saying it was the right attitude. I’m just being honest.
Facing the beast
So what are we supposed to do in these situations when we feel absolutely helpless and discouraged?
“Let the Lord fight your battles for you.”
This is the advice I have always heard. But it is not what I wanted to hear in the midst of heartache. Like many of us, I would often give it to God and then take it back again. There is no peace in that.
Peace finally comes when we rest in the Lord. As desperately as I have wanted to see combative action, I have finally learned to relinquish it from my hands into the Lord’s. Though turmoil brews all around, find calmness in the presence of God. Remain transparent, but don’t feel as if you have to seek out opportunities to solve the problem by your own strength.
If someone questions you, answer honestly without breaking any oaths of confidentiality, but give the Lord opportunity to work. We get in God’s way so many times because we have our idea of how situations should be handled.
Several scriptures have been an inspiration to me in these times of distress, such as Mark 11:28,
“Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
My favorite is James 1: 2-4,
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
When you reach a point of truly letting go, I can honestly say you are no longer concerned with whether or not the offender gets what we believe he or she deserves. In fact, the Word instructs us in Romans 12:18-21,
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: It is mine to avenge, I will repay, says the Lord. On the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
The Lord will discipline. Almost exactly a year later, the deacon who hosted the secret meeting in his office late that night, lost his job. He is no longer even in that office.
Once we reach the other side, we have seen how much better off we are without fail in every instance. I have even commented to my husband several times after a painful trial that we should send them a thank-you note!
How to deal with dragons of your own
I would venture to guess that at some point in your own ministry, you’ve dealt with some “dragons” as well, whether they snuck up on you or attacked with ferocity. Some of these people undoubtedly feel that they are doing the right thing, while others’ motives are questionable.
Your trials may not be the same as my trials in detail, but no doubt you still face them. As contradictory to human nature as it may seem, try to view them as joyful, refining fires. In the midst of them, it seems dark going through, but on the other side growth, maturity and blessings await.
Circumstances arise that wound us. Whether the situation involves people of the congregation, students, parents or other staff members, it can be extremely painful.
Overcome evil with being Christ-like to all, including those who persecute you. Ask the Lord to give you the strength to take off your cape, lay down your spear and allow Him to slay your dragons.
Written by Angie Osborne