Indecisiveness has constantly ridiculed my life, whether great or small. From the color of our latest t-shirt design to the abundance of choices listed on the menu, my mind rarely settles on a singular selection without the constant confusion of an alternate choice. On Nov. 4, 2009, my wavering tendencies were confronted by a deep dark conviction the Father placed before my eyes.
My stomach was growling and the echo of my empty pit beckoned me to enter the choice stricken Chipotles. As I entered, the usually indecisiveness hit me. Do I want the burrito, the tacos, or the salad? Crispy or soft? Chicken or beef? Pinto beans or black beans? The line behind me urged me to make a decision as I finally made it through. As I sat down however, another scene demanded my attention. Not the observance of an alternative choice, but the peculiarity of a man outside the confines of our burrito sanctuary.
Clothed in rags, he seemed to gaze upon the food we were devouring. Not coveting money to purchase a delicately wrapped burrito, merely desiring those he observed to stop short of consuming their entire purchase. Trying not to be noticed, he took his place by the garbage can waiting for crumbs the rich man left behind. This modern day Lazarus stood at a distance in order to blend in at the gate, but he trampled on the can with every disposal of food. His depository a Wal-Mart sack, which probably came from the same confines of his newly acquired food.
As I watched the man from the corner of my eyes, I was faced with yet another choice. But somehow this choice appeared to supersede the former choice that plagued me during the long list of choices at Chipotles. This choice threatened the destruction of a mindset that had begun to operate independent of the very surroundings the Lord had placed me. I had to choose to ignore the calamity I had so keenly observed or embrace the reality of encountering a people I had grown cold towards. For three days, I had been on the same street, the same surroundings, and never once did I notice the man. I had become completely numb to my surroundings, and though I would like to have ignored the situation, I could not. There is something about seeing desperation that penetrates even the coldest of hearts.
My mind began to fill with questions. How could we all set here ordering our huge burritos stuffed with the ingredients of our choice while a man desperately dug through the trash can hoping and praying for crumbs off our table? How could we sit and be more confused by the selection of crispy or soft than the one to deliver this man out of his present condition?
Suddenly I was reminded of several of Jesus’ teachings. The spiritual download came at a speed that was unbelievable. The rich man and Lazarus, the disciples towards the crowds, the Pharisees towards the sinners – all of them had one thing inherently in common – they had grown cold, and sometimes, indifferent, to their surroundings. They were numb.
How is it that God’s holy people often grow numb towards their surroundings? How do we get to the place that we no longer desire to see the captive set free? It is a humbling and stifling reality to dwell upon the condition of the people God brings into your path everyday.
How do we grow Numb?
As I examined my own life, I discovered a penetrating thought – I was too busy with ministry to do ministry. Martin Luther once said, “If the Devil can’t make you bad, He’ll make you busy.” Unfortunately I found myself at that stage in life. Too busy with the lighting, background effects, and promotional activities to notice the backdrop of faces that were crying out for help all around me. The saddest part - no one could have convinced me I was doing anything wrong because “I was serving the body." It took a man digging through the trashcan to awaken my heart. His pitiful state failed in comparison to mine. I was numb, he wasn’t.
What will it take for you?
On top of being too busy, I had allowed the ministry God had entrusted me with to become self-serving. Who did it benefit? Why did we do what we were doing? Sadly, we had spent more money on lighting and coffee than we had missions. Our focus became internal. We were increasing a kingdom, but it wasn’t God’s. The words of James 1:27 rattled us. “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress.” We had an awesome worship band, and an amazing youth center, but we really didn’t get this passage (and we had done plenty of things to make us feel better about it). None of our team would have said it, but inside of us there was a plea to see beyond our programs, our walls, and our overdone promotional ideas. We were controlled by that which the Lord had given to us instead of appropriately directing it in the direction of the Father. All of our efforts focused around increasing our kingdom. The harvest was plentiful, ripe, and wanting but our work was centered around our empty storehouses.
Overcoming the Nubmness
It is one thing to gaze upon others with pity but is entirely another to do something about their situation. Pity merely feels remorse over the situation; compassion moves you to bring deliverance to the afflicted. Compassion calls you out of the confines of your secluded sanctuary to speak, to pray, to sacrifice your own comfort for someone else’s.
So how do you overcome the condition of your heart? The Christian church often sings a song that has the following line: “Break my heart for what breaks yours.” I want to ask you to truly own those words, to allow them to penetrate the icy foundation of our hearts and minds. Ask the Lord to sculpt your actions into His. You might find yourself unable to finish your perfectly sculpted burrito. You might find yourself more consumed by the fact that your friends don’t know Jesus than the logos that identify your ministry. Make no mistake, this type of compassion will change the way you operate. You’ll find yourself more on your knees than on a stage. You’ll lose sleep; you’ll forsake things that people deem “important.” You’ll face will be littered with tears of distress, but you will get a front row seat to the activity of God. You’ll get to participate in spiritual moments of awakening.
As the Father begins to chip the ice off of your own life, be intentional at leading students to impact their culture. Forgo all the glitz and glamour of youth ministry, and focus on those that need it. Your students will be forever changed. What is going to make a bigger difference in the discipling of your students – dodgeball or true ministry? I don’t remember the fun and games that accompanied the youth ministry I attended as a teenager, but I do remember the tears that filled a widow’s eyes as we painted her old paint-deprived house. I do remember leading one of my best friends to Christ.
Most of our hearts will break over seeing someone dig through the trash for scraps, but perhaps the greatest need is not found in the alleys around the corner from Chipotles, but in our halls, our pews, and our families. The one we call brother, who has grown apathetic. The ones we call Mom and Dad that don’t know the Lord as Savior. The ones under our care as shepherds that casually and inappropriately approach a holy God.
May God break the ice over our cold hearts, may He birth a new desire in us. May we be given the vision of the Father, and may He call us into true, authentic ministry.